Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I got a new theme song... and rheumatoid arthritis at the same time!

(to the tune of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes)

Hands, shoulders knees and toes,
Snap! Crackle! Pop! they go.
Wrists, elbows, ankles, feet,
I'm my own rice crispy treat!

added by Taryn:
Crinkle, Pop, Crispy, Snap!
I'm more fun than bubble wrap!

Isn't it great? You love it right? I'm working on further verses, or variations of other tunes. Ideas are accepted, but if I break a big arthritis record deal/ retirement community tour, or something else amazing off of your genius, i'm claiming it as my own and you're out! (This means YOU, Taryn!)

So as you probably read in the title, I very recently learned that I have acquired rheumatoid arthritis. A nasty case of it too, which is actually a relief since i've had symptoms since December and they have progressed rapidly over relatively few months as i've been in doctor limbo, waiting to see a specialist (What can I say, I've always been a little advanced) . I was in emotional limbo too. Waiting for answers, and nervous there wouldn't be any. Nervous there would be answers, answers I wasn't willing/able to deal with. Supremely nervous of what would become of my family in the meantime since i'm so much less capable than ever. I thought of all the parenting scenarios where you must act quickly to avert crisis, and agonized over the possible outcomes of me being powerless to get there in time. Tornados, fires, busy streets, stairs, bodies of water, my inability to hold anything( let alone anyone) with any amount of strength, county prosecutor intervention for getting my kindergartener to school late too many times (we got a letter!)and even just tantrumming toddlers. All that waiting gave me too much time to worry, I think.

I now have a newfound appreciation for old people though! My aunt says "Growing old aint for sissies!" and it is SO true! You're body degenerating is bound to make anyone feel geriatric! It's hard not to think that your body is 'on its way out' when it declines so drastically, and I've had a lot of 'this might be it' moments where i've held my kids extra close, and read a few more stories, sang few extra songs at bedtime, and snuck them a few more jelly beans here and there. Almost as alarming as the prospect of nearing 'The end" was the idea of being like this indefinitely. So sad to think of my kids growing up with an incapacitated mother. Jason aspirations and plans being shackled to a sickly wife. And me being the incapacitated mother, the sickly wife.

But now, hallelujah! We have a specific reason!I'm NOT in doctor limbo for years, hoping someone somewhere will figure out what's wrong with me! It's NOT cancer. I'm NOT dying. We have a direction to head in, and hope that it will improve! Sure, we also have an incurable disease that makes my immune system attack healthy joints. Sure i'll most likely be on strong medicine for - well, until the resurrection. BUT, we also have a knowledge that we've been led through this in the best manner and timing possible (that's another post in itself!).

So, you win some, you lose some. Mostly, I have won. And hey, you know what else? Doesn't this just sound like the PERFECT excuse to hire an occasional housekeeper? I'd be thrilled to delegate that little gem of a responsibility since I already didn't love it, and its now pretty non-existent!
My friend Taryn thinks I have all the luck... hehe, yes Taryn, I do. And you're right, I am more fun than bubble wrap.
Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you, but on what happens inside of you.

Harold B. Lee