Thursday, June 28, 2012

on life.

Tonight I was reading a quote about the principle of compensation, and how all sorrows will be made right 100 fold in the Lord's time, and I thought to myself, "Am I going to be compensated for this time that my body is so inconveniently beset with arthritis?" ( And yes, I'm talking about it again, sorry! Do you feel like you are reading an arthritis blog yet?)   I was surprised at how quickly my thought's answered back, "No". Well let me explain a little more, I am sure my body will be repaired since I plan on having it forever at some point so in it's current state it just isn't eternally sustainable. But compensation, no, that implies some sort of imbalance that needs to be corrected. I don't see my health that way. There's a story there. You see, when my mom was pregnant with me, I got all tangled up in my umbilical chord, but instead of knotting and killing me, it just grew longer and longer. I heard after I was born, they kept it in a jar at the university. Cool, and weird. So anyways, the ultrasounds were a fright! I appeared to have a hand and foot growing from my head, and just looked hopelessly deformed.  The story goes that my parents even got a letter from the Utah governor's office suggesting they abort me since I wouldn't live anyway, and the cost of trying to save me with only a slim chance of success (and even then with only the hope that I'd be a vegetable) would eventually be an astronomical financial burden for the state. If you know my parents (staunch mormon, and devout catholic) you'd know that abortion was out of the question. So the time came for my birth, and there were all sorts of specialists there ready to whisk me away and attempt to keep me alive when I came out... totally fine. Just a little tangled up in a miraculously long chord.  I was born stealing health from where it shouldn't have been.

Jason and I have often remarked that life is just so nice together, that we are subconsciously waiting for a big bomb to drop. We are not trying to be pessimists, but we have both had that feeling of, "Sure this is nice, enjoy it, but life doesn't come with a guarantee of pleasantness", on the contrary it is supposed to be the hard part of our existence, heaven is where it's all fair and wonderful, but only after the hard learning process of earth.

So, for a little portion of my good health to expire 26 years after the warranty was up, I still feel like I have been overly compensated already. I'm just saying that if heaven were to really balance the books, so to speak, it wouldn't be in favor of a long heathy life, i'm overdue in that department. It was already ridiculously unfair in my benefit, I can't really ask for more. And yet even with this "hardship" I still get all sorts of help along the way and reassurance that it will be or at least seem like a short time. So there you have it, life's not fair, but it's not fair in my favor so who am I to complain (not that it stops me).


frankman said...

Love you baby sis!! I remember that suggestion and mom and dad refusing! Thank heaven for sending you to be a joy to all you meet!!!

Kirsty said...

You have no idea what a gift you are to me. Thank you my awesome friend. Your attitude is a blessing, not only to you but to everyone you come into contact with. xoxo

Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you, but on what happens inside of you.

Harold B. Lee