Sunday, February 08, 2009

Thoughts: How morbid can I be?

So, I was daydreaming the other day about going to Time out for Women. Cherrie Call would be performing, and by some fantastic twist of fate, I would get to sing one of her songs with her. And I would remember all the words and be so familiar with singing it(from all the times I sing her songs in my car, and while putting the kids to sleep, of course) that it would actually sound decent. Granted, not as cool as Cherrie Call herself, and even in my daydream I imagined people thinking "some people think they can sing, but probably shouldn't", but still it was adequate enough that it wasn't completly mortifying, and Cherrie was nice and very encouraging.
Very quickly, my mind gave me the reality check of "YEAH RIGHT! Not unless you contract advanced terminal cancer and someone in high musical places pitties your tragic existance enough to call in huge favors" And the daydream part of my mind agrees, "Yeah, that's probably true."
Which brings me back to the title. How morbid! Luckily, some other secondary reality check in my brain kicked in, "You can't live your life secretly hoping for someone else to make your life what you want it to be. Make -A-Wish is for people who don't have enough life left to pursue their own dreams, YOU have plenty of life to pursue talents and dreams. You just have to get crackin'!"

So of all the times I have thought of the terminal cancer scenario, this was the first time the other, clearly more healthy thought had a say in the discussion. Which brings me to something I have been thinking about a lot. Watch your thoughts! I've been trying to monitor my thoughts and really try to take control of what thoughts I let hang around, and what I should be pushing out. The Make-A-Wish idea that has been an icon on by brain's desktop is getting a little click and drag to the recycling bin, which will be emptied. Ooh, my brain as a personal there's a metaphor i'll be exploring. Decluttering the desk top, defraging the drive, anti-virus software, ... so much potential there. I just can't resist a good metaphorical hiatus.

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Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you, but on what happens inside of you.

Harold B. Lee