Saturday, June 01, 2013

Operation: Phoenix

Do you ever feel like a charred pathetic version of your former self?

The other day I was reading old entries from my blog and lamenting the fact that I used to have this whole "life" thing down so much better. My house was cleaner, I was more productive, in better shape,  more frugal, more motivated, nicer to my kids... the list goes on but suffice it to say that pretty much everything I care about, I was better at a few years ago.  I thought experience was supposed to make you better. What's this all about? 

(Up until this moment, I thought of "setbacks" as minor detours, but it occurs to me that what I'm describing is the very definition of being set back. Okay. I get it. But for the record, I don't like it.)

But before I got too buried in self-loathing of how I used to be awesome but I lost it, the clever voice of reason in my head said, "That can't be right. You don't believe that. You obviously still have some fundamental awesome, and there must be a scenario in which you could undergo significant physical and emotional trauma for a short time, and not be permanently halted by it."

And then it hit me.

Good condition, everything is pretty fine.
Major change rips through your life (or body in my case) like a wildfire leaving a wide path of destruction.
Fire dies to a slow simmer of smoking ashes and emotional backlash.

But even if I feel like my goose is cooked, I am not a burnt dinner,

I am a phoenix. 

I will rise from the ashes, and shake off the dust, and be fiercely stronger. My willpower will be more tenacious. My faith will burn brighter.  My wisdom will be sharper.

So this is what I will remind myself, when I feel charred, and stuck in an ashy gray haze, and beaten,
I will remind myself that I am not the glowing embers of what once was, I am a PHOENIX! I need to push out the pain, and shock, and self-doubt, and beat my wings back into strength, and rise up into something glorious and take on life and become a force for good, a force to be reckoned with.  

(photo found here)

Commence: Operation PHOENIX

How are you going to be a PHOENIX today?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow Lucia! This is awesome! Fun to catch up and realize you are on the other side of the world! Toledo Stake will miss you! Thanks for being a ray of sunshine, even in your darkest moments :) Kali Sawaya

Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you, but on what happens inside of you.

Harold B. Lee